Monday, May 12, 2014
We Need People Who Take things Too Seriously
Friday, February 14, 2014
When Dialogue Attribution Goes Horribly Wrong.
Here's a quote from Newgate Callander of The New York Times Book Review that pretty much says it all.
Mr. Ludlum has other peculiarities. For example he hates the "he said" locution and avoids it as much as possible. Characters in The Bourne Ultimatum seldom "say" anything. Instead they cry, interject, interrupt, muse, state, counter, conclude, mumble, whisper (Mr. Ludlum is great on whispers), intone roar exclaim, fume, explode, mutter. There is one especially unforgettable tautology: "'I repeat,' repeated Alex."
The book may sell in the billions, but it's still junk.
He said. She said. Unobtrusive, simple and elegant.
Mr. Ludlum has other peculiarities. For example he hates the "he said" locution and avoids it as much as possible. Characters in The Bourne Ultimatum seldom "say" anything. Instead they cry, interject, interrupt, muse, state, counter, conclude, mumble, whisper (Mr. Ludlum is great on whispers), intone roar exclaim, fume, explode, mutter. There is one especially unforgettable tautology: "'I repeat,' repeated Alex."
The book may sell in the billions, but it's still junk.
He said. She said. Unobtrusive, simple and elegant.
Monday, February 10, 2014
Sunday, February 2, 2014
You're Not a Skilled Expert, Until You're a Skilled Expert
Something happened the other night that got me thinking about skill
development. Please, let me tell you the story. (YES, this is about
writing, bear with me.)
I visited my friend "Hank" on Friday. His wife left him recently so one of his buddies and I went over to his house to cheer him up. Hank told us he was going to make spaghetti. His wife had always done the cooking and his mother before that. In short, Hank has the cooking finesse of an infant slow loris.
He set the pan on fire while trying to cook the beef. He didn't put enough water in the pasta pot. He thought he had spaghetti, when what he really had was a package of fetuccini. He had no cooking oil and couldn't figure out why he'd need any. He thought one can of sauce would be enough for two pounds of ground beef.
It was a disaster, but it was a fun disaster. We helped him get through it and eventually we ended up with a dinner that, while not spectacular, was far from bad. But he got really upset. He realized he's a forty-year old man who doesn't know his way around the kitchen.
I'm a skilled cook. I tried to reassure him, and as the words were coming out of my mouth I had an epiphany. I said, "The only reason why I can cook is because I've been doing it for thirty years. My parents let me start cooking (I wanted to) when I was ten. My first few attempts to make dinner were disastrous. No one is an expert when they first start doing something."
No one is a skilled expert when they first learn how to do something. You're not a skilled expert until you're a skilled expert.
Just because you know how to write, or have good ideas, or your friends tell you that you tell great stories, or you've read a lot of books, doesn't make you a skilled writer. On the other hand, unless you've put in the hours and work necessary to learn the craft, why are you beating yourself up over the fact that your writing isn't publishable? Why do so many aspiring writers expect to write a publishable novel the first time out?
I attempted my first novel in the summer of '93. The only reason why my writing now gets more compliments than criticisms is because I've been learning the craft for twenty-and-a-half years.
Stop thinking you're Hemmingway just because you wrote some alcohol-fueled hoopla that your friends told you was wonderful. BUT also, stop kicking yourself for not being Hemmingway if you're only just starting out. Please learn that you can't be a best-selling author after your first draft, just because you know how to write. I know how to use a scalpel, but I would make a terrible brain surgeon. But brain surgeons exist, and so do published authors. Why? Because they put in the work. They learned, from books, from schools and from professional experts in the field. And it took time. If you've only been writing for a year and you think you've got a masterpiece, you're deluding yourself. If you've only been writing for a year and are ready to stab yourself in the eye because your book is a plot-hole ridden, cliche driven, amateurish grab-bag of unoriginal ideas and mental masturbation, PUT THE KNIFE DOWN. It's okay to be awful when you first start out, EVERYONE IS.
You're not a skilled expert, until you're a skilled expert.
I visited my friend "Hank" on Friday. His wife left him recently so one of his buddies and I went over to his house to cheer him up. Hank told us he was going to make spaghetti. His wife had always done the cooking and his mother before that. In short, Hank has the cooking finesse of an infant slow loris.
He set the pan on fire while trying to cook the beef. He didn't put enough water in the pasta pot. He thought he had spaghetti, when what he really had was a package of fetuccini. He had no cooking oil and couldn't figure out why he'd need any. He thought one can of sauce would be enough for two pounds of ground beef.
It was a disaster, but it was a fun disaster. We helped him get through it and eventually we ended up with a dinner that, while not spectacular, was far from bad. But he got really upset. He realized he's a forty-year old man who doesn't know his way around the kitchen.
I'm a skilled cook. I tried to reassure him, and as the words were coming out of my mouth I had an epiphany. I said, "The only reason why I can cook is because I've been doing it for thirty years. My parents let me start cooking (I wanted to) when I was ten. My first few attempts to make dinner were disastrous. No one is an expert when they first start doing something."
No one is a skilled expert when they first learn how to do something. You're not a skilled expert until you're a skilled expert.
Just because you know how to write, or have good ideas, or your friends tell you that you tell great stories, or you've read a lot of books, doesn't make you a skilled writer. On the other hand, unless you've put in the hours and work necessary to learn the craft, why are you beating yourself up over the fact that your writing isn't publishable? Why do so many aspiring writers expect to write a publishable novel the first time out?
I attempted my first novel in the summer of '93. The only reason why my writing now gets more compliments than criticisms is because I've been learning the craft for twenty-and-a-half years.
Stop thinking you're Hemmingway just because you wrote some alcohol-fueled hoopla that your friends told you was wonderful. BUT also, stop kicking yourself for not being Hemmingway if you're only just starting out. Please learn that you can't be a best-selling author after your first draft, just because you know how to write. I know how to use a scalpel, but I would make a terrible brain surgeon. But brain surgeons exist, and so do published authors. Why? Because they put in the work. They learned, from books, from schools and from professional experts in the field. And it took time. If you've only been writing for a year and you think you've got a masterpiece, you're deluding yourself. If you've only been writing for a year and are ready to stab yourself in the eye because your book is a plot-hole ridden, cliche driven, amateurish grab-bag of unoriginal ideas and mental masturbation, PUT THE KNIFE DOWN. It's okay to be awful when you first start out, EVERYONE IS.
You're not a skilled expert, until you're a skilled expert.
Monday, January 27, 2014
Favorite Book Number Four
“Where are you from, Mr. Pendergast? Can't quite place the accent.”
“New Orleans.”
“What a coincidence! I went there for Mardi Gras once."
“How nice for you. I myself have never attended.”
Ludwig paused, the smile frozen on his face, wondering how to steer the conversation onto a more pertinent topic.”
Still Life With Crows is my favorite book by Douglas Preston and Lincoln Child. On the back of one edition it says, "These guys are masters at scaring the hell out of people." And oh yes, they are.
The opening scene is absolutely gripping and intense. It's one of the most memorable descriptions of a cop's reaction to a crime scene, at least that I've ever read.
The main character, Aloysius Pendergast, is the albino love child of Sherlock Holmes intellect, Hannibal Lecter's appreciation for the finer things, and a great white shark with opposable thumbs. He is by far the most interesting detective character in all of fiction. Poirot and Marple were hacks compared to Pendergast. Holmes was a wimpy and obnoxious overgrown schoolboy by contrast.
The book has its flaws. The third act is not as strong as the first act. But that's like saying chocolate fudge cake is not as awesome as white birthday cake with buttercream icing. They're still both cake.
I can say very little about the story without spoilers, so I'll just say, serial killer, eccentric detective, quirky sidekick, small town mentality, and lots and lots of corn. Still Life With Crows is a must read.
Saturday, January 25, 2014
Favorite Book Number Five
The Stand by Stephen King (Link to Amazon Books)
“The beauty of religious mania is that it has the power to explain everything. Once God (or Satan) is accepted as the first cause of everything which happens in the mortal world, nothing is left to chance...logic can be happily tossed out the window.”
Stephen King redefined the words 'epic' and 'horror' with this brick of a novel. Huge in scope and variety, filled with an enormous cast of really interesting characters, and plenty of King's trademark creepiness, The Stand is King's best work.
Touching on themes of spirituality and religion, community and civilization, and good vs. evil, the book tells the story of the end of the world at the hands of a killer virus. The story follows the lives of dozens of people across the U.S. who survive the apocalypse and eventually meet, but not by accident.
The Stand is a one of a kind book, I've never read anything quite like it. It features King's most memorable characters and a third act that completely messed with my head. I've read it many times and I'm still finding nuances and themes I didn't know were there.
If you only ever read one book by Stephen King, make sure it's The Stand.
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