Electricity is Dangerous - Shocking Details Follow

My first experience with electrocution happened when I was just a little kid. We were at an animal park, maybe Marineland or African Lion Safari. I loved the animals and wanted to be as close to them as possible. Especially the dangerous ones.

The lion enclosure was just too awesome for a little guy like me. I was shaking with excitement. I wanted to get closer so I put my tiny hand through the fence. There was a second fence further in and I grabbed it.

Then I started to cry because I thought my dad had hit me in the head. Dad insisted he hadn't touched me and when I explained what I'd been doing my parents started laughing. Yeah, my first electrocution and they laughed at me. High comedy.

When I was older, I had to do an assignment for school, which meant dragging out and setting up the electric typewriter. I maneuvered the ninety pound behemoth onto the top of my metal desk. Love those 80's metal desks, perfect conductors of electricity.

I climbed onto the the desk and reached for the only nearby plug, which was behind the metal back of the desk. I had to twist the cord to get it in the socket but it just wouldn't go all the way in. So I forced it.

My finger slipped and jammed between the tines on the plug. I distinctly remember biting my tongue and smashing against the wall as the electricity had a field day with all that metal, through the agency of my index finger.

But the best electrocution story goes to a dog. Liana's grandfather had a neighbor who had "The Perfect Lawn(Tm)". A local dog decided it was the most wonderfully groomed toilet he'd ever seen. The owner screamed at the dog, then screamed at it's owner, but every day the dog came back and made a deposit on his golf green.

The owner decided he'd fix the problem permanently. He got an extension cord, stripped it and attached it to a horseshoe. He put the horseshoe in the grass near the dog's favorite peeing spot. Then he watered the grass, plugged in the cord, and waited.

The dog came by as usual, positioned himself, lifted his leg and let out a stream. Liana's grandfather said, "That dog fired into the air like he'd been kicked by the Devil! You better believe he never went on that grass again, boy." Mean, but effective.

I'm glad I've never been electrocuted via a pee stream. (Fingers crossed.) I'd better stay away from the neighbour's grass.
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Next Story: Things That Go "Bonk, Smash, Ouch!" in the Night

Yesterday's Story: If I Could Talk to the Animals
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